Pregnancy is Bizarre

Pregnancy has been the most bizarre experience of my life. I don't mean that in a bad way; I just mean there is no other way to describe this experience but bizarre. It's strange to be a stranger in your own body. It's changing in ways I never thought was possible. The girl who was training for a half-marathon just three months ago now gets winded and exhausted from a 5k. I once spent my afternoons doing at least something active (walking, playing with the dog, etc); now, its all I can do to get through the morning and make it to my afternoon nap on the couch. And dry heaving! Oh Lord have mercy--the dry heaving! Although I am so thankful that I am only puking about once a week now (as opposed to every single day), not a day goes by that SOMETHING does not make me dry heave. And it's the weirdest things too; smells and sights that never used to bother me suddenly make me gag. One of the weirdest? The inside of the toilet. The toilet could be sparkling clean and still glisten with Lysol. . .but if I see the inside of it, I will gag. Weird, right? Speaking of toilets, I used to be able to hold my bladder for hours on end; now, I get up at least twice a night to pee. Food has become my best friend and worst enemy at the same time because, although I am ALWAYS hungry, EVERYTHING gives me heartburn. In addition to heartburn, I'm dealing with all kinds of things I've never had to deal with before: gas, pimples, dry hair. I'm like a smelly teenager. And, even though I'm not going crazy and "eating for two," that "adorable" bump keeps growing and my cute clothes no longer fit. It's insane to watch yourself expand as a result of something completely natural and NOT from an obsession with Krispy Kremes.

And it's not just my body. It feels like my mind is longer under my control either. I have the strangest and most vivid dreams. I had one the other night about the BTK killer. I mean, really. . . what is THAT about? Pregnancy has also made me borderline bi-polar. I can go from deliriously happy to uncontrollably weepy to insanely angry to manically depressed to pleasantly contented---all within the course of a half hour. My poor husband had no idea when I got pregnant that he'd be trading his loving wife for a psychotic one for the next 9 months. And, bless his heart, he's constantly asking what he did to make me so sad or angry or who knows what else? I have to just tell him it's because he left the toilet lid up and I saw the inside of the toilet. I know he would not understand (or believe me) if I told him the truth: "You did absolutely nothing! I am just a crazy pregnant lady!" Oh, and the pregnancy cravings? How in the world does my mind convince me that I need to eat an entire jar of pickles or my body will wither away and die?

So, Baby W., I love you already, and I cannot wait to meet you. But you have turned my mind and body into a freak show. You and I will need to have a serious talk when you get here.